Falsely Accused

Two blog posts in one day??!! I've really missed you, blog! Obama's giving a speech at ODU today and I'm sitting here waiting hoping to catch a glimpse of the motorcade that's set to go right by my house. I could have gone to the speech but he's promoting a governor candidate and I really don't care about that. Earlier today he spoke at NAS Jacksonville about the military and I would have loved to see that, but sadly, it's not to be.

Look at the guilty face:

But where are all the hungries?

I came home this morning from picking up the newly fixed laptop (thanks Marc! I can't say that enough) to find the cupboard under the pantry open and Gladware all over the floor. I also found a sulky ridgeback complete with Full Shame Face on. Full Shame Face is a rarity these days. Sometimes we get Partial Shame Face or Waggly Tail Look How Cute I Am Please Don't Be Mad, but never Full Shame Face. Apparently Kimber has become aware that she is very well-loved and though we might get angry sometimes, she's here to stay. This is going to come out totally wrong, but her shame face is adorable. She wrinkles her brow and pulls the corners of her mouth super tight into a hilarious smile as she hangs her head in shame and you have to hide your laughter despite your anger. Kind of sad she's not scared of us anymore. I mean that in the best possible way. Really I do.

So there's Gladware all over the floor and a sulky ridgeback and 99% of the time this means something has gone down. Also, when something is broken into, out of, or strewn all over the floor you can bet your sweet sugar Kimber was somehow involved, and by somehow involved I mean that she definitely did it. She's still very much a puppy and it comes with the territory. It doesn't happen much anymore, but that's only because I had to get a lot smarter. You will also find Hank somewhere close by wiggling because he LOVES to see his little sister in trouble. I can't say I blame him, really. My brother never got in trouble and I loved it when he did because I was not a tattletale and I usually got busted because someone tattled. Just sayin'.....

Hank was nowhere to be found this time which I found pretty strange, but there Kimber was... trying to sneak away head hung low. The cabinet's not that easy to get into unless someone leaves it ajar, so I figured sending a picture to Ben would be much more amusing than shaming her further. Besides, I reasoned, she was probably pretty upset to find that the containers were not full of food as she had hoped and she surprisingly enough didn't chew any up. Good Piggie as far as I was concerned.

I sent my picture message pleased with myself for having caught such a funny moment, only to have Ben call me a few minutes later to name the culprit. Kimber was not to blame. Oh, no. It was a far more devious creature that had dumped the contents of the shelf onto the floor... the ever elusive Oafus Amongus (aka Ben).

It's a really good thing I didn't punish the pig.... but then again, why was she in Full Shame Face? I'd better check the house again.

Electronics Hate Me

Last summer when Ben and I finally became roommates we had big plans for our 3 bedroom house. The front bedroom would be his office, and the back bedroom would be mine. I was also kind of hoping to get a traveling clinical research associate position so I could work out of the house, but that's a whole other story that really isn't that interesting. Point is, we were going to have dueling computers and it was going to be glorious.

We finally got internet and fired up my computer only to find out that nothing worked. Not one thing. At least we still had Ben's old eMachine (do they even make those anymore?), right? Wrong. His too would not start up. Black screen, weird DOS scripts running... pretty much the same thing mine did. So we did the only sensible thing - loaded up the CPUs and promptly went to see the Geek Squad. Turns out we both managed to fry our motherboards at EXACTLY the same time. I'm not real sure how that happened considering mine was slow but working in Austin and his was working fine where he lived 1 mile away from our new place of residence, but the damage was done and we were without internet access. Oh, the agony.

We broke down and bought a Dell laptop from Best Buy a few days later and so far it's been a pretty good little computer. Except that a couple of Mondays ago we broke it. Oh and I had two papers due along with some tests and did I mention that all my study guides and half of one of my papers were saved on the desktop? Talk about ridiculously inconvenient. Lucky for me I saved the paper down to Google documents. Just a little reformatting and I was back in business. This meant that I had to spend every waking moment at the university library waiting to use one of those nasty public computers to do my work while people finished up checking their Facebook status and World of Warcraft games. Annoying.

After I got through the brunt of my schoolwork and tests, I called up Dell only to find out the computer is still in Best Buy's name and we had to register it to us. Of course the lady told me you had to do it on the internet and I had to explain to her again that I couldn't get on the internet because my computer was broken. No worries, we can do it over the phone and it would take 5-7 business days before she could actually help me fix it. Fan-freaking-tastic. I spent another week at the library (and even spent my whole weekend there) and finally reached my breaking point. Back to Best Buy - I needed the Geek Squad.

I explained to the geek er, guy that I was probably capable of doing a full system reset, I just needed to know which CD to put in the drive (Brown, Black, or Black). That's all I wanted from Dell too, but they couldn't talk to me for another few days and I needed my computer WEEKS AGO. The guy pointed out the right one and got me started, then told me I had to push a certain button on the screen to start the process. He would have done the whole thing for me, but then he'd have to charge me. Sometimes the whole damsel in distress thing works out, sometimes it doesn't. He at least let me go on about my business pointed in the right direction. Did I get it done right? Absofreakinglutely not. I managed to delete everything as planned, but I also kicked off the wireless modem and all networking capabilities, thus rendering my computer completely useless. This story has a good ending... trust me.

My dear friend Kim's husband Marc works on computers for the Navy and thank goodness they offered to help! She went out of her way to meet me twice for the hand-offs and Marc got it fixed overnight. It now runs faster than ever and I have full internet capability. We owe them big. Now if I could fix my flat iron....

I'm Surrounded by Idiots

My poor left hand got burned today at the gas station. We went in to get Ben his usual Diet Coke on steroids and I decided since today has been so unbearably cold that I would grab a cappuccino while we were there. You should have seen all the different flavors! After careful deliberation, I decided MAX CAFFEINE XXX sounded the most exciting and proceeded to place my cup underneath and press the button. Unfortunately, MAX CAFFEINE XXX did not come out of that machine.

What did come out was a blast of scalding hot water through the front and definitely not out of the nozzle I pressed directly onto my left hand that was holding my cup in place. I squealed and pulled my hand out as fast as I could, but not fast enough not to get burned. Ben ran over and was immediately sympathetic, but then the guy gene took over and he HAD to try it for himself. Everyone knows females are not capable of working cappuccino machines - it's a flaw of our kind. That and weak arms. I told him what happened and he said things along the lines of, "Now are you SURE you put the cup under THAT nozzle?" and "I'm really not sure you know how to do this." "Here, let me try." Of course! I must have put my cup under the nozzle way over THERE and burned myself out of pure stupidity. It couldn't possibly have been the machine!

Ben snatched the cup out of my hand and held it right up against the same nozzle I just tried only closer. Five seconds later, Ben had a matching burn and I was giggling maniacally. Turns out the other gas station attendant was cleaning the machine but did the first guy who watched the WHOLE thing go down tell us? Of course not. He sat and stared and let it happen.... twice.

At least he gave us a discount when we finally did get coffee out of that stupid machine. It was the least he could do.

Honesty: Not Always the Best Policy

Today I got my hair done. It has been 6 months since I last got it highlighted because we moved and it took me that long to get a good recommendation. The salon was amazing - industrial, trendy, and full of gay men. Completely out of place in this town and right up my alley. I'm really missing Austin, TX these days.

The girl who did my hair is great at what she does, but my hair was not cooperating and we ended up switching my part around so many times that it ended up a big mess. She ended up cutting bangs and today I am not happy with it, but if you had seen how much work went into this, you would totally understand why she had to do it. It will grow back, but I have a feeling there's a looong awkward phase coming. At least the color is perfect.

Let's go back about 6-7 years. I took Ben home for the first time and of course both my parents in their separate homes had pictures of me up everywhere from high school back. Ben, being the most honest person I know, took one look at them and said, "You were ugly in high school with those bangs. No way I would have dated you then." I'm not real sure how anyone is supposed to take that, but he meant it as a compliment to how I looked then. At least that's his story and he's sticking to it.

Fast forward to tonight. I came home and asked if he liked my hair. I wanted his honest opinion and do you know what he said? "Your hair looks like it was in high school." A simple "No" would have done just fine. Did I mention he was honest?

I think I'll hide out for awhile. Apparently I'm quite ugly again.

I Need a Breast

Did you know that on the East Coast they have two days off every fall BEFORE Thanksgiving?! They call it Fall Break and apparently this is completely normal. I am the weird kid for never having heard of it, but you know what East Coast? I don't care. This is amazing news. Even more amazing is the fact that my nursing profs canceled classes for the whole week. The catch is we have a lot of papers and projects due, plus some upcoming exams. Either way, I was able to afford a whole weekend of no nursing school-related reading. A whole weekend! I really needed that.

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month and in light of that, we have been talking a lot about the Ta-Ta's. In health assessment we went over and over abnormal findings and the importance of self-screening. 1 in 9 women will be diagnosed with breast cancer in their lifetime. Pretty scary statistics, eh?

Two hours of nonstop talk about boobs (complete with pictures) apparently got into my prof's head, because at about the halfway point when we normally take a potty break she announced, "Anyone need a breast?!" Best Freudian slip all year.

I know exactly how she feels. Thank goodness for Fall Break.

Might as Well be a Purse Dog

I'm really not one of those people who likes to dress up her dogs unless it's a. Halloween or b. part of a game where we see if they play along or run away and pout. Most recently, Ben's been throwing a towel over Kimber's head and spinning her around to see if she gets disoriented, then we run and hide and see how long it takes her to get out, figure out where she is, and then find us. She loves it, but do me a favor and don't call PETA.

Lately we've been worried that Kimber will be very cold here once winter rolls around. Hank just snuggles up under his blanket, but I don't think Kimber quite grasps the concept. She always looks a bit freaked out when I cover her up and then wiggles her way out a few minutes later. We decided she might like a sweater since she prances around the house when we put an old tshirt on her (one of those silly games again). I found a nice fleece one made just for dogs, but there's just one problem: it's pink. Baby pink even.


Now I know what you're thinking. Yes, she has a hot pink collar. She also has a pink leash. I will explain all of this in due time. Kimber has a hot pink collar because she is the biggest ridgeback anyone has ever seen and everyone thinks she's a dude. She's also been putting on some pretty serious muscle lately probably from chasing the little dogs around at the park, so really, I think a hot pink collar is more than appropriate. She totally rocks it and it even has her name and my phone number embroidered on it so we don't have to listen to jingling tags. We got Hank one too (in hunting dog orange) and no longer have naked dogs running around. I really don't like it when they don't wear their collars, especially Hank. When he gets spooked in the driveway and refuses to run to the side yard to use the bathroom, all I have to do is barely touch his collar and he nuts up and runs out there. When he's naked I have to carry him, and he's fat. Best. Investment. Ever.

Kimber has a pink leash because a few years back my aunt got her first dog (a female) and sent Hank and I a care package full of toys and also a pink leash. You know how kids get their first dog and it's a girl so they think every dog is a girl? I think her thought process ran along the same lines, only in her defense she lives in Alaska and had only seen a picture of Hank. I'm not real sure what that says about his masculinity, but whatever. For some strange reason I hung on to that leash and moved with it 3-4 times, adament that I would find someone who could use it since I have only had male dogs and intended to maintain the status quo, but now I'm glad I had it. I only had one leash for Hank and when Kimber moved in, it came in quite handy.

The sweater? It's pink because pink was on sale for $20 less than the other colors. I'm cheap - bite me. She'll be wearing that in the house only anyway.

I've tried so hard not to have a frilly dog, but poor Kimber has a pink collar, a pink leash, and now a pink sweater. Maybe it's time we got her some rhinestones and painted her toenails. Ridiculous.

The BBQ That Happened

About a month ago we took the dogs to the PETA park and met a guy named Richard. Richard has two ridgebacks and for the life of us we can't get them to play with Kimber and vice versa. They would much rather annoy others and run at full gallop chasing after the little dogs. This makes me very nervous because I'm always afraid she's going to trample one, but the other owners don't seem to mind. I like to look at it as cheap practice for lure coursing (see here).

Anyway, Richard got Ben really excited about building a meat smoker out of a steel barrel and they have been talking about it nonstop for weeks, emailing one another back and forth and researching, researching, researching. Ben has been running all over town collecting the pieces he needs and yesterday Richard invited us over to try some things he makes in his smoker. Now the guys will tell you this BBQ never happened. They are liars and are not to be trusted. This BBQ definitely happened and it did not end well for me.

Basically, the guys got caught up in conversation and left all the meat on waaaaaaay too long. The end result was charred bacon, black jalapenos, and a log of meat called a "fatty" that looked more like coal. Richard was embarrassed, but it was everyone's fault. Unfortunately, the bacon had lots of brown sugar and cayenne on it, so it still tasted pretty dang good and I ate it anyway. We pulled all the charred bacon off the stuffed jalapenos and ate those too. I had also made my famous jalapeno creamed corn and it was extra spicy and delicious, so add that to the mix. By the time we were done, we had pretty much built an atomic time bomb inside my stomach.... BUT WAIT!! Let's add a little more insult to injury. Ben wanted pizza for dinner and though he normally puts jalapenos on it, I stopped him and told him I had enough spices for the day. As I was finishing up some reading, he brought me a few slices, COVERED in cracked red pepper. There was nothing I could do about it at that point, so I shut up and ate it anyway. The end result was just awful. I spent a good 3 hours clutching my stomach, eating Tums, writhing in pain and making deals with God before I finally was able to puke it all up. I think that part hurt the worst, short lived as it was. My lips are still burning today.

So yes, they'll tell you that BBQ didn't happen. Next time I'm bringing a salad.

95 Ad Nauseum

I'm stuck in a rut. A fantastic rut, but ridiculous nonetheless. In my 4-5 weeks of school I have taken 3 exams. On each of the 3 exams I have made the exact same grade. Don't get me wrong - I'm not complaining. These are some pretty rock solid A's, but honestly what are the odds and more importantly, can I keep this up for 2 years?

My previous relationship with school was not the best. I used it like a cheap fling to get me ahead in life and though I graduated with decent grades, it really didn't get me anywhere without solid aspirations. At times I thought business was my calling since I rocked out my minor without trying, but a brief stint in sales and 1.5 years in a cubicle farm cured that. I'm not capable of sitting still. Never have been. Maybe I have ADD and maybe I don't, but I will tell you one thing... I got spanked A LOT as a kid. I know I'm rambling off topic, but I feel a very necessary rant coming on. There was a recent study that came out that says spanking your children causes them to have lower IQs. I would believe beating your children would have that effect because abuse does all kinds of evil, but spanking them?! What the hell kind of study is that?

I really hope this rash of good grades continues. If not, I guess I can always blame my parents.